I have never been a patient or pragmatic person. When I decide that I'm ready for something, I tend to become a little impulsive. My husband and I were only married a few months when we decided we would start trying to get pregnant. My first son had only been alive a few days when I decided I wanted to immediately (after the recommended 6 week hiatus) get to work on baby #2. It took a little bit longer after our second son was born to warm up to the idea of a third pregnancy, but sure enough I found myself pregnant once again when he was only 6 months old. Three babies all within a 27 month period. That, my friends, is what you might call a pregnancy marathon!
And so, I now consider myself to be a firsthand expert on all things pregnancy related. Nevertheless, I am still amazed at the general public's reaction to a pregnant woman. First of all, they provide very little in the way of encouragement. There's something about seeing a woman in her third trimester, on the brink of birthing that baby that makes you want to relive your labor and delivery horror stories. We have all witnessed this phenomenon at baby showers. It's like a contest between the existing mothers to see whose labor pains were the worst, whose labor was the longest, whose epidural caused the most problems, and who ended up with the worst hemorrhoids! Meanwhile, the poor mother-to-be listens on in horror, knowing that her own personal terrors are looming ahead in the not so distant future.
Not only are we far too honest in the latter months, but it's my personal opinion that people also hold too much back in the beginning. It really depends a great deal on your personality, but I want to know the cold, hard truth. Not the extreme and exaggerated, but the realistic truth. I feel that it's always better if you're prepared for what could happen, rather than waking up one day with a gigantic hemorrhoid and a mustache and thinking that you're morphing into the Hulk. So, for anyone who cares to know what little nightmares you may experience with pregnancy, here are the 10 pregnancy truths that I wish I had known.
1. Pregnancy Can Get Pretty Hairy. Hair on a woman is never a fun thing, especially when it starts popping up in ridiculous places. Happy trails and mustaches are only a couple of the hairy accessories that you can expect over the next 9 months. For some they're light and subtle, while others bear a strong likeness to a certain Star Wars character. Either way, just know that it's temporary. In the immediate post-partum weeks your hormones will begin to level out and those unwanted patches of hair will slowly fade. If, in the meantime, you cannot live with the fuzziness, be sure to check with your doctor before using any type of hair removal products, other than your trusty razor.
2. A Baby Isn't the Only Thing That's Going to Pop Out of You. If you're uncomfortable with the term hemorrhoid, now would be a good time to get over that. Say it with me, hemorrhoid, hemorrhoid, hemorrhoid. Feeling better now? It's a good idea to familiarize yourself with this term because very soon your own personal hemorrhoid will likely be taking up residence on your hiney. If you're lucky it will be limited to one, but some of you can expect a whole family to camp out down there. They're painful, they're itchy, and they're unpredictable. The best thing you can do to prevent these unwelcome visitors is to avoid getting constipated. Drink lots of water and eat a healthy diet. But, if they do pop up there are a variety of over-the-counter creams that are extremely helpful in managing them. (Again, consult with your physician first).
3. Leakage. One thing everyone should know is that nursing pads are often necessary before you have the baby. Those bad boys are going to leak, and chances are it will be a couple of weeks before the baby arrives. If this is your first pregnancy you should especially be aware of this. The first time this happened to me it seriously freaked me out. I knew it would happen post-partum, but this was still several weeks away from my due date. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things to realize too late, so the first time you notice drippage, start wearing nursing pads.
4. At Some Point You're Going to Pee on Yourself. I don't care how many kegels you do, it's inevitable. Pregnancy and poor bladder control go hand in hand, so just accept it. You may not be able to prevent it, aside from doing the inconspicuous leg cross and squeeze maneuver, however you can manage it. Once you accept the problem, you can get incontinence pads at Wal Mart. They're cheap, and although it is a little embarrassing to be the only one in the check-out line under 70 with incontinence pads in their buggy, it's a small price to pay to avoid wetting your pants in public.
5. Who Farted? I hate to say it, but there's not a lot you can do to avoid this one. Gas-X is no match for the flatulence of a pregnant woman. The funny thing is, by the time you get so pregnant that you can no longer squeeze your butt cheeks together enough to muffle the sound, you don't care who hears or smells you fart. There is (or should be) a whole new set of rules for what is considered proper and permissible when you're pregnant. So, enjoy your new found freedom!
6. Ear Plugs Are a Must... For Your Husband! Once you reach that stage when breathing requires your full effort and concentration, sleeping can become quite a challenge. You can't get comfortable, you have 10 lbs sitting on top of your stomach, and when you do fall asleep you dream about giving birth to aliens and baby cows. Nighttime isn't only difficult for you, but for your hubby as well. Your difficulty breathing combined with the massive amounts of snot that reside in a pregnant nose can produce a loud, innocuous snore. Again, this is only temporary, and considering that you will soon be birthing his child, I don't think it's too much to ask for him to deal with this one, minor inconvenience. Still, cut the guy some slack when he's dragging in the morning.
7. Not Only Will You Glow, You Will Glisten. This is something that you especially want to prepare yourself for if you're gearing up for a summer baby. Take into consideration the added weight, the summer heat, and the bi-polar hormones, and profuse sweating is a no-brainer. I've always had over-eager sweat glands anyway, but it's nothing compared to a good third trimester sweat-fest. All I can tell you is to keep a stick of deodorant close by, shower often, and never leave the house without a back-up shirt.
8. You Know Turner & Hooch? Well, You're Hooch. You're definitely going to want to have a few extra pillow cases on hand, because around your 5th or 6th month you're going to turn into a slobber monster. I'm not sure what causes it, but it's definitely not pretty. Keep this in mind if you and your hubby like to fall asleep snuggling. He may never recover if he wakes up with a puddle of his wife's drool on his chest. I know he loves you, but that degree of disgustingness would challenge even the greatest of loves.
9. Freckles Are Cute, But Those Aren't Freckles. I know very few women who have escaped their first trimester without at least one good puke session. I had quite a few of these over the course of my three pregnancies, but it was only in my second that they left a lasting impression, so to speak. After an intense morning over the toilet, I looked in the mirror to discover dozens of tiny red spots across my face and on my eyeballs. Yeah, scary. This lovely little phenomenon is called petichiae, and is very normal and usually temporary. I say usually because I had one pesky little dot that held its ground not only through the duration of my pregnancy, but several months thereafter.
10. You're Belly Isn't the Only Thing That's Growing. Sorry ladies, but you're going to have to say good bye to those tiny, perky little nipples that you once had. Especially if you're going to breastfeed your baby your breasts are never going to be the same. As your due date draws closer your nipples double, triple, possibly even quadruple in preparation for nursing your baby. By the time you actually get to breastfeed those babies are ginormous! I'm not going to lie, it's weird, and not very attractive. However, it is worth the cost to provide your baby with the nourishment that only you can give him.
So, think back fondly on the days when bras were optional and body hair was minimal, and look forward eagerly to the changes that pregnancy will bring to your body. It's not always pleasant, but it is always well worth it. As your body changes so will your heart, as you will quickly realize that the things you're giving up pale in comparison to the blessings that you'll soon be taking in.
