10 Pregnancy Truths I Wish I Had Known

!±8± 10 Pregnancy Truths I Wish I Had Known

I have never been a patient or pragmatic person. When I decide that I'm ready for something, I tend to become a little impulsive. My husband and I were only married a few months when we decided we would start trying to get pregnant. My first son had only been alive a few days when I decided I wanted to immediately (after the recommended 6 week hiatus) get to work on baby #2. It took a little bit longer after our second son was born to warm up to the idea of a third pregnancy, but sure enough I found myself pregnant once again when he was only 6 months old. Three babies all within a 27 month period. That, my friends, is what you might call a pregnancy marathon!

And so, I now consider myself to be a firsthand expert on all things pregnancy related. Nevertheless, I am still amazed at the general public's reaction to a pregnant woman. First of all, they provide very little in the way of encouragement. There's something about seeing a woman in her third trimester, on the brink of birthing that baby that makes you want to relive your labor and delivery horror stories. We have all witnessed this phenomenon at baby showers. It's like a contest between the existing mothers to see whose labor pains were the worst, whose labor was the longest, whose epidural caused the most problems, and who ended up with the worst hemorrhoids! Meanwhile, the poor mother-to-be listens on in horror, knowing that her own personal terrors are looming ahead in the not so distant future.

Not only are we far too honest in the latter months, but it's my personal opinion that people also hold too much back in the beginning. It really depends a great deal on your personality, but I want to know the cold, hard truth. Not the extreme and exaggerated, but the realistic truth. I feel that it's always better if you're prepared for what could happen, rather than waking up one day with a gigantic hemorrhoid and a mustache and thinking that you're morphing into the Hulk. So, for anyone who cares to know what little nightmares you may experience with pregnancy, here are the 10 pregnancy truths that I wish I had known.

1. Pregnancy Can Get Pretty Hairy. Hair on a woman is never a fun thing, especially when it starts popping up in ridiculous places. Happy trails and mustaches are only a couple of the hairy accessories that you can expect over the next 9 months. For some they're light and subtle, while others bear a strong likeness to a certain Star Wars character. Either way, just know that it's temporary. In the immediate post-partum weeks your hormones will begin to level out and those unwanted patches of hair will slowly fade. If, in the meantime, you cannot live with the fuzziness, be sure to check with your doctor before using any type of hair removal products, other than your trusty razor.

2. A Baby Isn't the Only Thing That's Going to Pop Out of You. If you're uncomfortable with the term hemorrhoid, now would be a good time to get over that. Say it with me, hemorrhoid, hemorrhoid, hemorrhoid. Feeling better now? It's a good idea to familiarize yourself with this term because very soon your own personal hemorrhoid will likely be taking up residence on your hiney. If you're lucky it will be limited to one, but some of you can expect a whole family to camp out down there. They're painful, they're itchy, and they're unpredictable. The best thing you can do to prevent these unwelcome visitors is to avoid getting constipated. Drink lots of water and eat a healthy diet. But, if they do pop up there are a variety of over-the-counter creams that are extremely helpful in managing them. (Again, consult with your physician first).

3. Leakage. One thing everyone should know is that nursing pads are often necessary before you have the baby. Those bad boys are going to leak, and chances are it will be a couple of weeks before the baby arrives. If this is your first pregnancy you should especially be aware of this. The first time this happened to me it seriously freaked me out. I knew it would happen post-partum, but this was still several weeks away from my due date. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things to realize too late, so the first time you notice drippage, start wearing nursing pads.

4. At Some Point You're Going to Pee on Yourself. I don't care how many kegels you do, it's inevitable. Pregnancy and poor bladder control go hand in hand, so just accept it. You may not be able to prevent it, aside from doing the inconspicuous leg cross and squeeze maneuver, however you can manage it. Once you accept the problem, you can get incontinence pads at Wal Mart. They're cheap, and although it is a little embarrassing to be the only one in the check-out line under 70 with incontinence pads in their buggy, it's a small price to pay to avoid wetting your pants in public.

5. Who Farted? I hate to say it, but there's not a lot you can do to avoid this one. Gas-X is no match for the flatulence of a pregnant woman. The funny thing is, by the time you get so pregnant that you can no longer squeeze your butt cheeks together enough to muffle the sound, you don't care who hears or smells you fart. There is (or should be) a whole new set of rules for what is considered proper and permissible when you're pregnant. So, enjoy your new found freedom!

6. Ear Plugs Are a Must... For Your Husband! Once you reach that stage when breathing requires your full effort and concentration, sleeping can become quite a challenge. You can't get comfortable, you have 10 lbs sitting on top of your stomach, and when you do fall asleep you dream about giving birth to aliens and baby cows. Nighttime isn't only difficult for you, but for your hubby as well. Your difficulty breathing combined with the massive amounts of snot that reside in a pregnant nose can produce a loud, innocuous snore. Again, this is only temporary, and considering that you will soon be birthing his child, I don't think it's too much to ask for him to deal with this one, minor inconvenience. Still, cut the guy some slack when he's dragging in the morning.

7. Not Only Will You Glow, You Will Glisten. This is something that you especially want to prepare yourself for if you're gearing up for a summer baby. Take into consideration the added weight, the summer heat, and the bi-polar hormones, and profuse sweating is a no-brainer. I've always had over-eager sweat glands anyway, but it's nothing compared to a good third trimester sweat-fest. All I can tell you is to keep a stick of deodorant close by, shower often, and never leave the house without a back-up shirt.

8. You Know Turner & Hooch? Well, You're Hooch. You're definitely going to want to have a few extra pillow cases on hand, because around your 5th or 6th month you're going to turn into a slobber monster. I'm not sure what causes it, but it's definitely not pretty. Keep this in mind if you and your hubby like to fall asleep snuggling. He may never recover if he wakes up with a puddle of his wife's drool on his chest. I know he loves you, but that degree of disgustingness would challenge even the greatest of loves.

9. Freckles Are Cute, But Those Aren't Freckles. I know very few women who have escaped their first trimester without at least one good puke session. I had quite a few of these over the course of my three pregnancies, but it was only in my second that they left a lasting impression, so to speak. After an intense morning over the toilet, I looked in the mirror to discover dozens of tiny red spots across my face and on my eyeballs. Yeah, scary. This lovely little phenomenon is called petichiae, and is very normal and usually temporary. I say usually because I had one pesky little dot that held its ground not only through the duration of my pregnancy, but several months thereafter.

10. You're Belly Isn't the Only Thing That's Growing. Sorry ladies, but you're going to have to say good bye to those tiny, perky little nipples that you once had. Especially if you're going to breastfeed your baby your breasts are never going to be the same. As your due date draws closer your nipples double, triple, possibly even quadruple in preparation for nursing your baby. By the time you actually get to breastfeed those babies are ginormous! I'm not going to lie, it's weird, and not very attractive. However, it is worth the cost to provide your baby with the nourishment that only you can give him.

So, think back fondly on the days when bras were optional and body hair was minimal, and look forward eagerly to the changes that pregnancy will bring to your body. It's not always pleasant, but it is always well worth it. As your body changes so will your heart, as you will quickly realize that the things you're giving up pale in comparison to the blessings that you'll soon be taking in.

10 Pregnancy Truths I Wish I Had Known

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Different Types of Push Ups and Their Unique Benefits

!±8± Different Types of Push Ups and Their Unique Benefits

In addition to the many benefits of standard push ups (elevated heart rate, total body conditioning, etc.), there are many variations on the simple exercise that will allow you to specifically target different muscle regions. None of the push up variations require extra equipment, with the exception of the elevated push up, which requires a chair or some other means of elevating your feet.

The Standard Push up:

Proper position is with your body in a straight, horizontal position, with you hands shoulder-width apart. One proper repetition involves lowering your body to the point that your chest touches the ground, and then lifting yourself back to starting position.

Wide-stance Push up:

This type of push up is designed to place more emphasis on your chest than the standard push ups. This is very similar to a butterfly machine. By placing your hands in a wide position, i.e. wider than shoulder width, you will be forcing your chest to do more of the work. This push up also lightens the load on your triceps, so it is a good substitution towards the end of your workout, if your triceps are too exhausted to continue, and you feel like trudging on.

Diamond Push up:

Place your body in a straight, horizontal position. Slide your feet apart to approximately shoulder-width. Place your hands together, directly under your sternum, with the tips of your index fingers and thumbs touching. Your fingers and thumb should form sort of a diamond or triangle shape. This type of push ups puts a heavy emphasis on the triceps, and lightens the load on the pectoral muscles.

Elevated Push up:

The elevated push up is exactly the same as a standard push up, but it involves elevating your feet by placing them on a chair, or surface. By lifting your feet, you will be accomplishing two things: increasing the amount of weight being lifted, and shift emphasis to the upper pectorals. This is very similar to an inclined bench press.

The elevated push up can also involve elevating your chest and upper body while leaving your feet on the ground. This is significantly easier. By doing this, the load is shifted to the lower chest, similar to a declined bench press. Wide-stance and diamond push ups can also be done in an elevated position for chest and triceps isolation training.

Different Types of Push Ups and Their Unique Benefits

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Was Jesus Christ An 'Ancient Astronaut'?

!±8± Was Jesus Christ An 'Ancient Astronaut'?

Erich von Daniken - of 'ancient astronaut' fame (though hardly the one and only in that field, he wasn't the first to think up the 'ancient astronaut' idea, but he really helped to popularize it) - has had many best selling book titles exploring that theme, when translated into English (von Daniken was Swiss) became known as "Chariots of the Gods"; "Gods from Outer Space" and several others of like ilk. Presumably the 'gods' refer to the general run of polytheistic gods. But the back jacket cover of my "Chariots of the Gods" tome he asks the question 'was God an astronaut?' presumably the monotheistic God. Of course the plural gods could incorporate the singular God. In any event, the index to either of these first two noted volumes doesn't mention Jesus Christ (hereafter J.C.). I suspect the main reason why, was that von Daniken focused more on archaeology and artefacts, and there just isn't much in the way of J.C. archaeology and artefacts. I personally think mythology offers an equally if not better field in which to play, and there's a lot of J.C. mythology. The question I now ask, was J.C. an 'ancient astronaut'?

If you're a rational being you probably tend to think all things supernatural (ghosts, telekinesis, astrology, deities, etc.) are a load of codswallop. On the other hand, you, as a rational being, probably acknowledge there's historical evidence that J.C. existed, though that's not accepted by all scholars. If so, if you think J.C. really existed, you have a problem since J.C. is considered by the multitudes to be a supernatural being. But, that paradox can be resolved, not just by denying J.C.'s very existence, but somehow attributing J.C.'s so-called supernatural abilities in a more, well not so much a down-to-earth way as in an up-to-space context. The very question explains all - was J.C. an 'ancient astronaut'? That is, was J.C., instead of a supernatural being, an extraterrestrial being?

Let's start at the beginning.

We have no idea what date J.C. was 'born', if a virgin birth can be interpreted as being somehow naturally born. The 25th of December is a pure invention on the part of the Christian Church - even the exact year is uncertain. The so-called 'Star of Bethlehem' is of little use. Despite speculation that the 'star' was a conjunction of two or more stellar and/or planetary objects, the 'star' would still resolve itself into two or more points of light, even though apparently in very close proximity. Further, that two or three individual points of light connection would also have been obvious to observers in the days and weeks before (as the points of light grew closer together) and after (as they drew apart again). A supernovae or a comet would have been visible for many days' even weeks. A 'shooting star' would visually last way too short an interval. No, the 'star' must have been a one-off short duration event. Let's call a spade a spade here - the 'star' was a classic UFO sighting!

Piling on the speculation, let's say our UFO was, say if not the Starship Heaven (the extraterrestrial and 'ancient astronaut' God's spacecraft), at least a shuttlecraft from same. If the infant J.C. were, in a manner of speaking 'beamed down', well that would be something akin to a 'virgin birth'. Modern UFO abduction lore would suggest that our modern aliens, the greys say, do have some sort of beaming technology.

Now it's my understanding that there is quite some considerable 'missing time' gap between J.C.'s early years, and the start of his 'ministry' at roughly age 30 or thereabouts. J.C. apparently went walkabout for quite a while and any official J.C. biography will have a large timeline gap in it. That a person of such importance as to attract a crowd at his 'virgin' birth, the messiah, the Son of God, could just vanish for years on end just staggers the imagination. The question is where did J.C. go for all those years? Perhaps he returned home for a bit of R&R, or reflection. My best guess is that J.C. returned home (somewhere out there) for instruction, training and overall preparedness for what was to come, that is, his 'ministry' or whatever. Again, it is strange that someone of his historical stature would have just vanished off the face of the planet for quite some considerable time.

Then we have the so-called 'miracles of Jesus' which tend to fall into four categories: exorcisms; control over nature; medical cures; and raising the dead;. Even if J.C. existed, there's no consensus that he performed anything supernatural as in miracles. In fact, just one general miracle is mentioned in all four of the Gospels - feeding the multitudes with loaves and fishes on apparently two occasions. That might be explainable - a simple cell phone call to God on the Starship Heaven - "Hey Daddy, can you beam me down some more supplies please?" Somehow along the line, Matthew, Mark, Luke or John overlooked one or more of J.C.'s other miraculous accomplishments. In fact, slightly less than half of J.C.'s miracles merit only a single mention from one of the four Gospels. Further, many of J.C.'s miracles seem pretty trivial like walking on water and cursing a fig tree. Anyway, I don't see anything here that's beyond the technical capabilities of an advanced extraterrestrial civilization.

Exorcisms - even ordinary Catholic priests can cast out a minor demon or two, but of course if there no such thing as demons then there's nothing to actually exorcise. Instead, just use the application of a bit of mumbo-jumbo; the power of suggestion; the application of a bit of pop psychology - that should do the trick. The placebo effect 'cures' the demonized.

Control over nature - well nothing a bit of slight-of-hand coupled with some sophisticated technology, including the 'beam me up Scotty' variety couldn't accomplish. Sure, some of J.C.'s miracles appear impressive, but if Matthew, Mark, Luke and/or John could witness some 20th and 21st Century technology, what tales I'm sure they would spin!

Cures - nothing modern medicine couldn't handle. To the simple peasants of 2000 years ago, from their point of view, our 21st Century MD's do a bang up job in cures for probably most of the ailments that would have inflicted them.

Raising the dead - or was it walking up the sleeping as J.C. himself admitted in one of only three such cases involving him? Actually, and again from the perspective of 2000 years down the track, our modern medical technology does a reasonable job in resurrections of the apparently (i.e. - those under general anaesthesia) and sometimes even clinically dead, via the use of electric heart thumpers, administering oxygen, etc. Then there's that other J.C. resurrection - J.C.'s own return to the 'living'. If J.C. appeared to people post execution, well it's amazing what holographic projections can do, especially if you have no concept of hologram technology. Of course maybe the extraterrestrial medical technology available on the Starship Heaven could resurrect the dead or the fact that J.C. was an extraterrestrial - he didn't have purely human physiology - might also explain it.

One other thought at this particular juncture comes to mind. One often repeated theme in mythology when it comes to the gods is the conflict between father and son. Sooner or later, the son grows up and ultimately poses a threat to daddy and daddy's power. Gods were known to plot against their own kids, sometimes swallowing their newborn in order to prevent any further on down-the-track rivalry for power with their legitimate heirs. Daddy gods could be and often were jealous of their own offspring. So what about the relationship between J.C. and God?

Well our monotheistic God is indeed a jealous God by His own admission via the Ten Commandments, so it stands to reason that He's going to be miffed that His son J.C. has stolen His limelight. That is, J.C. had achieved better P.R. overall and perhaps a greater following than God Himself commanded 2000 years ago. However, God laughs last and best because obviously J.C. didn't get to follow Dad home, alive at least, since he of course met his waterloo nearly 20 centuries ago. One would think that an all-powerful God could have easily saved His son from execution via The Cross, if He had wanted to. However, allowing the execution to go ahead was a really easy and guilt-free way of eliminating a future rival. Actually our extraterrestrial 'God' wasn't totally without compassion for His executed son (the straw that broke the camel's back?), so before departing He no doubt 'beamed' J.C.'s body aboard His Starship Heaven, and in so doing explains J.C.'s resurrection and his empty tomb!

What I'm speculating here is that God has left the building. The basis for suggesting this is that even if you take the evidence for God's existence as revealed in the Bible at face value - burning bushes, pillars of salt, universal floods, etc. there has been nothing one can hang one's hat on for the past several thousand years in the way of evidence for God. No interviews, no photographs, no new Commandments, no verified miracles that God and only a God could preform, total and apparent willful ignoring of the pope's prayers for all the sorts of things popes go on and on about (like praying for world peace - a futile gesture if ever there was one), etc. Now, if God were really not God, but 'God', an extraterrestrial, well Starship Heaven and crew might have left the building (Planet Earth) eons ago and sought greener pastures. I mean God's Old Testament temper tantrums got Him nowhere; we still take His name in vain and curse Him "God damn it"; His Ten Commandments are often ignored by the great unwashed; J.C. seems to get more press coverage and positive P.R. as noted above; God has lots of competition from other deities, as well as other goods and services that rival His. I mean God can no more compete with prime time reality television and rap music and cell phones and iPods and the Internet's MySpace and Facebook, than J.C. can now compete with consumerism and commercialism on the 25th of December! No, I think 'God' (the extraterrestrial since I don't believe the supernatural God exists) has voluntarily give humanity the 'big finger' and taken his bat and ball and gone home to sulk. Or perhaps 'God' has been involuntarily exiled. I mean if 'God' exists, then perhaps the 'gods' must also exist, and because there are many, many 'gods', (in this context God is outnumbered many thousands upon thousands to one) well I mean even the schoolyard bully can be sent packing with tail tucked between legs if enough of the bullied gang up and fight back. There's no love lost between God and the gods since God ascended the Top Dog throne and Commanded that the gods be considered persona non-grata.

However, that aside, J.C.'s 'mission' seems to have been somewhat akin to our terrestrial missionaries who spread out to the four 'corners' of the globe, including way too often knocking on your door; spreading the 'good word' (although often that's often different words for different missionaries). So, J.C. comes to Earth (probably via Dad's Starship Heaven) to spread the good news about intelligent life in space, our 'space brothers', which was totally misinterpreted and moulded into a supernatural context by our ancient ancestors. That's understandable - J.C.'s strutting his high tech stuff wouldn't be comprehensible to the masses 2000+ years ago.

I've deliberately used the phrase 'space brothers' above, because I want to make a connection between J.C. as an angelic-like extraterrestrial being, and the way more recent (1950's) contactees who claimed to have had personal contact with and messages from angelic-like extraterrestrial beings, often called by the contactees our 'space brothers' who have come to Earth in their 'flying saucers*'.

The contactees were often bucketed as total loonies back then (in the 50's) by the mainstream, even mainstream people interested in extraterrestrial life and UFOs, including myself. That's no less so today if someone is still foolish enough to mention them - like me here and now. But a question remains on the grounds of 'innocent until proven guilty', did the contactees (collectively) invent these angelic-like extraterrestrial beings with the intent of fraud; or to have some fun and hoax the public and pull the wool over their unsuspecting eyes; or perhaps they just, collectively, had some serious mental issues, say delusions of sorts. Or, perhaps the contactees were relating the truth as they thought they had experienced it, when perhaps the angelic-like extraterrestrial beings were being less than 100% honest with them for reasons best known to themselves, though one can speculate.

In the light of J.C. as a role model, passing himself off as a deity acceptable to the populace rather than as a technologically advanced extraterrestrial which might be beyond the comprehension of that same populace, so too in the 1950's our 'space brothers' only told as much of their story as would be comprehensible to the relatively simple people of that era. Now truthfully, the contactees (George Adamski say as an example of the general contactee stereotype) were relatively simple folk. They weren't university deans, or theoretical physicists, or four-star generals, or diplomatic statesmen and legal eagles and MD's, etc. That brings up an obvious question, why would our 'space brothers' bother with the great unwashed when they could just as easily land on the White House lawn and be addressing Congress within hours? Well, back to J.C. as template, the contactees, simple folk, were the sort of folk that - if you believe traditional Biblical J.C. mythology - J.C. would have associated with. However, the contactees were fed enough bovine fertilizer that their idealistic philosophical messages got buried along with their tall tales of trips to Venus and Saturn, etc., where the 'space brothers' lived. Although then again, you have that angelic-like ancient Near Eastern goddess Inanna or Inana (Ishtar) identified with the celestial planet Venus, so who knows where the 'gods' have actually set up camp!

Or did those 50's idealistic 'space brother' philosophical messages really get buried? Perhaps our 'space brothers' are a bit more clued than given credit for.

I can't help but wonder, maybe it's no coincidence that almost immediately following the heyday of the contactees came the era of the Hippies and counterculture with their idealistic philosophical concepts (influences which have filtered down to this very day and age) of "hell no, we won't go"; burn your draft card; bra-burning; flower-power; love; peace; brotherhood (and sisterhood); the dawning of the Age of Aquarius; free love, drop in, tune out, etc. You can't help but feel that the Biblical J.C. as generally described, wouldn't have fitted right into that picture. J.C. might have been more at home with people who smoked pot and attended Woodstock than lunching with politicians and generals smoking cigars, drinking scotch-on-the-rocks and sanctioning the dropping of napalm and Agent Orange on Vietnam.

So, was J.C. an 'ancient astronaut'? Only you can be the judge.

*Contactees didn't use the term UFOs or the phrase 'unidentified flying objects' because to them there was nothing unidentified about them.

Was Jesus Christ An 'Ancient Astronaut'?

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Grooming the Labradoodle Coat

!±8± Grooming the Labradoodle Coat

Labradoodles are a great breed. Most have an excellent temperament and they tend to be very laid back and intelligent dogs. The Labradoodle first appeared in Australia as a cross between a Standard Poodle and a Labrador. These days it is more common to find multigenerational Labradoodles. Multigenerational means that both parents are Labradoodles and they are not cross bred. These dogs have proven to be great service dogs because of there intelligence, size and temperaments.

As with the Poodle, a Labradoodle is more hypoallergenic and tends not to shed much if at all. As a groomer, I have seen many Labradoodles over the last decade and these dogs have a way of stealing your heart. Unfortunately when it comes to grooming I do consider these dogs to be high maintenance. I can not tell you how many times I have had people bring me a severely matted Labradoodle and say "I thought they where suppose to be easy keepers. I wasn't suppose to have to see the groomer. " Well I am here to tell you that is almost never the case.

Because you are dealing with a dog that is a relatively new crossbreed there is an unpredictability when it comes to the Labradoodle coat. They can have hair similar to a lab or they can have wool or fleece more like a poodle. I have seen many dogs that have a combination of all three. These dogs require lots of attention to the coat to keep it from becoming matted. A thorough daily brushing is highly recommended. Most of my Labradoodle clients come in about every six to eight weeks same as my Poodle clients. It can be easier to maintain the coat when kept in a shorter lamb cut. Sometimes the face is shaved like a poodle but many people love the look of a full fluffy face.

Brushing your Labradoodle everyday and a regular visit to your local groomer is the best way to keep your Labradoodle looking sharp. These are great dogs that can get along well in any family but you must keep in mind the grooming needs of this breed. Don't be fooled into thinking these dogs have a low maintenance coat because many times this is simply not the case.

Grooming the Labradoodle Coat

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